hybridthry:

wearing all black today to mourn the death of my motivation

(via pizza)

  • police officer: you're under arrest for shooting someone in the chest
  • me: whoever made the rhyme did the crime(:
  • police officer: haha i have to give you credit for that one dude you're off the hook

actualucifer:

AND DON’T

FUCKING

TELL PEOPLE

THAT THEY’RE NOT TRYING

BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW IF THEY’RE TRYING OR NOT

JUST BECAUSE IT DOESN’T LIVE UP TO YOUR STANDARDS DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE NOT TRYING

(Source: luciforeal, via pizza)

ohdaesusie:

guys complain about girls making duckfaces while posting selfies where they’re biting their lip and squinting lookin like they’re tryna read something in size 3 font lmfao

(via cuntfacesam)

johannsebastianbitch:

You know whats fucking scary? The fact that I could literally change my life at any moment. I could stop talking to everyone that makes me unhappy. I could kiss whoever i want. I could shave my head or get on a plane or take my own life. Nothing is stopping me. The entire world is in my hands, and I have no idea what to do with it.

(Source: jamesbabeshaw, via cuntfacesam)

if u dont eat girls out but you expect head ur a little bitch

(Source: cooldude10000million, via cuntfacesam)

heckacute:

I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep. 

(via cuntfacesam)